It wasn't until I got in the car that I let myself cry. Mostly because of the joy I felt being back in your presence, but also sadness, because I had so completely abandoned you. I first attempted yoga sometime in 2006. But let me go back a bit further.
At the end of 2005 I joined The MAC, the 'elite' (spelled, expensive) gym. I had been on the quest for thinness as far back as junior high and did achieve being 'really thin' at least four times between ages 18 and 56. Of course, each thin episode only lasted approximately 24 hours. As soon as I 'woke up' enough to realize I had done this amazingly good thing for myself, I immediately fell back into a deep sleep. The next time I saw myself, it was obvious that I had gained back all of the lost weight and added substantially more. For the, 'how fat did you get' crowd, 250 was the highest number I ever saw on the scale, but I have no recollection when that was. It was not a life changing moment.
So anyway, back to the MAC. This time my quest was not for thinness, it was to become fit! (All my previous 'thin' moments had been achieved by 'diet' alone; becoming fit and exercising were coming later!) I knew I didn't see many fit, fat people, so I wasn't completely kidding myself, I knew I would lose weight too. But I insisted I was doing this to become fit! It took me about 2 sessions at the gym to realize I would need and really wanted a personal trainer. Into my life came Nick, a great guy, young enough to be my son and a fantastic trainer.
Together Nick helped me continually move toward my goal of finally being fit and yes, thinner too! At some point in this journey, it was ok to be thin, as along as you were fit. Losing the weight gave me the confidence to finally try yoga. I knew fat people didn't do yoga, so naturally I had to lose weight before I could give it a try. To all the fat people who started doing yoga while they were fat - you are my heroes!
I loved yoga from the very first session! I felt awkward of course, but as time went on I got the hang of it, sort of. It wasn't just the physical part of yoga I loved, it was the spiritual side, the taking care of yourself gently, the quiet, reflective, releasing moments that drew me in. On a few occasions I cried, right in the middle of class, and that was ok. In fact, it was very, very good.
I achieved my true goal of becoming fit and thinner - I honestly loved working out and I could do it without Nick. I was even able to run on the track! My core was so strong from yoga, that I could lift my legs straight up into a hand stand (against the wall) and not fall over. My body fat went from 47% to 24% and I went from a size 22 to 12!
It was the day that I wore my new size 12 clothes and received all kinds of praise - good for you, how'd you do it?, you look great comments that I knew I had finally reached my goal! I was really, really proud of myself, proud of what I had achieved and so happy for me!
That was also the day I fell back into a deep sleep and abandoned my lovely, caring and precious friend, yoga.
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