Interview this morning for a job that I am 95% sure I have. It's my brother who stepped up and made it happen by 'playing' politics, but at my age, in this economy I'll take it. When the interview was over (it went very well) I was exhausted - let out a really long breath and kept moving.
My friend Yoga was calling me to come play tonight, but my right knee, down my shin and even my ankle were very, very painful. And again, if I didn't go I could drink wine and eat one or both of the chocolate cookies I got from Lou at lunch today. Long conversation - should I go, should I stay home...OK, go and if you just can't do it, come home. Of course, I went - I love Yoga. Being with my friend was so - I can't find the feeling or words to describe it - it was so nurturing?
Came home, turned on my favorite TV show, The Biggest Loser and they were still in New Zealand. Ten years and 5 months ago I was there. I want to live there. I could do that, no, I mean that is a real possibility.
How serious are you?
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon
Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon, how I love you Mr. Moon. You so surprised me this afternoon when I was walking around the natural area. The sky was a beautiful, soft, blue with no clouds anywhere - I looked all around me and there was nothing but this dome of incredible blue. Then, maybe 15 minutes later I looked straight ahead and there you were - directly in front of me! The sun was pouring its spring radiance all down my back, but there you were, out in front, not at all dimmed by your much bigger and brighter friend. Both of you so strong, so beautiful and so pleasing. It was wonderful to see you.
And then tonight, there you were again, unexpectedly peeking in through Playmaker's skylight, winking at me! Obviously you knew the struggle I went through deciding whether or not I would go to yoga tonight. My other choice was to stay reclining in my chair, watching The Biggest Loser, eating the brownies Lou gave me today and drinking wine. I didn't feel going. Did you hear the conversation I had with me? It amazes me how much discussion there was about two diametrically opposed activities. Go, feel good, be proud or stay, regret and continue to feel like crap. Once I gave myself permission to come home early, I knew I would go! I really, really wanted to go, but there was that part of me that wanted to make it icky. I went, I feel good and I'm so proud of me.
And Mr. Moon you still weren't done! I didn't notice you driving home, but as soon as I stepped out of my garage, there you were - not very big, but shining so brightly. I love you too Mr. Moon.
Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon
Won't you whisper me a tune.
Hold me in your soft light
And keep me safe tonight,
Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon
And then tonight, there you were again, unexpectedly peeking in through Playmaker's skylight, winking at me! Obviously you knew the struggle I went through deciding whether or not I would go to yoga tonight. My other choice was to stay reclining in my chair, watching The Biggest Loser, eating the brownies Lou gave me today and drinking wine. I didn't feel going. Did you hear the conversation I had with me? It amazes me how much discussion there was about two diametrically opposed activities. Go, feel good, be proud or stay, regret and continue to feel like crap. Once I gave myself permission to come home early, I knew I would go! I really, really wanted to go, but there was that part of me that wanted to make it icky. I went, I feel good and I'm so proud of me.
And Mr. Moon you still weren't done! I didn't notice you driving home, but as soon as I stepped out of my garage, there you were - not very big, but shining so brightly. I love you too Mr. Moon.
Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon
Won't you whisper me a tune.
Hold me in your soft light
And keep me safe tonight,
Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Hi my old friend, yoga.
It wasn't until I got in the car that I let myself cry. Mostly because of the joy I felt being back in your presence, but also sadness, because I had so completely abandoned you. I first attempted yoga sometime in 2006. But let me go back a bit further.
At the end of 2005 I joined The MAC, the 'elite' (spelled, expensive) gym. I had been on the quest for thinness as far back as junior high and did achieve being 'really thin' at least four times between ages 18 and 56. Of course, each thin episode only lasted approximately 24 hours. As soon as I 'woke up' enough to realize I had done this amazingly good thing for myself, I immediately fell back into a deep sleep. The next time I saw myself, it was obvious that I had gained back all of the lost weight and added substantially more. For the, 'how fat did you get' crowd, 250 was the highest number I ever saw on the scale, but I have no recollection when that was. It was not a life changing moment.
So anyway, back to the MAC. This time my quest was not for thinness, it was to become fit! (All my previous 'thin' moments had been achieved by 'diet' alone; becoming fit and exercising were coming later!) I knew I didn't see many fit, fat people, so I wasn't completely kidding myself, I knew I would lose weight too. But I insisted I was doing this to become fit! It took me about 2 sessions at the gym to realize I would need and really wanted a personal trainer. Into my life came Nick, a great guy, young enough to be my son and a fantastic trainer.
Together Nick helped me continually move toward my goal of finally being fit and yes, thinner too! At some point in this journey, it was ok to be thin, as along as you were fit. Losing the weight gave me the confidence to finally try yoga. I knew fat people didn't do yoga, so naturally I had to lose weight before I could give it a try. To all the fat people who started doing yoga while they were fat - you are my heroes!
I loved yoga from the very first session! I felt awkward of course, but as time went on I got the hang of it, sort of. It wasn't just the physical part of yoga I loved, it was the spiritual side, the taking care of yourself gently, the quiet, reflective, releasing moments that drew me in. On a few occasions I cried, right in the middle of class, and that was ok. In fact, it was very, very good.
I achieved my true goal of becoming fit and thinner - I honestly loved working out and I could do it without Nick. I was even able to run on the track! My core was so strong from yoga, that I could lift my legs straight up into a hand stand (against the wall) and not fall over. My body fat went from 47% to 24% and I went from a size 22 to 12!
It was the day that I wore my new size 12 clothes and received all kinds of praise - good for you, how'd you do it?, you look great comments that I knew I had finally reached my goal! I was really, really proud of myself, proud of what I had achieved and so happy for me!
That was also the day I fell back into a deep sleep and abandoned my lovely, caring and precious friend, yoga.
At the end of 2005 I joined The MAC, the 'elite' (spelled, expensive) gym. I had been on the quest for thinness as far back as junior high and did achieve being 'really thin' at least four times between ages 18 and 56. Of course, each thin episode only lasted approximately 24 hours. As soon as I 'woke up' enough to realize I had done this amazingly good thing for myself, I immediately fell back into a deep sleep. The next time I saw myself, it was obvious that I had gained back all of the lost weight and added substantially more. For the, 'how fat did you get' crowd, 250 was the highest number I ever saw on the scale, but I have no recollection when that was. It was not a life changing moment.
So anyway, back to the MAC. This time my quest was not for thinness, it was to become fit! (All my previous 'thin' moments had been achieved by 'diet' alone; becoming fit and exercising were coming later!) I knew I didn't see many fit, fat people, so I wasn't completely kidding myself, I knew I would lose weight too. But I insisted I was doing this to become fit! It took me about 2 sessions at the gym to realize I would need and really wanted a personal trainer. Into my life came Nick, a great guy, young enough to be my son and a fantastic trainer.
Together Nick helped me continually move toward my goal of finally being fit and yes, thinner too! At some point in this journey, it was ok to be thin, as along as you were fit. Losing the weight gave me the confidence to finally try yoga. I knew fat people didn't do yoga, so naturally I had to lose weight before I could give it a try. To all the fat people who started doing yoga while they were fat - you are my heroes!
I loved yoga from the very first session! I felt awkward of course, but as time went on I got the hang of it, sort of. It wasn't just the physical part of yoga I loved, it was the spiritual side, the taking care of yourself gently, the quiet, reflective, releasing moments that drew me in. On a few occasions I cried, right in the middle of class, and that was ok. In fact, it was very, very good.
I achieved my true goal of becoming fit and thinner - I honestly loved working out and I could do it without Nick. I was even able to run on the track! My core was so strong from yoga, that I could lift my legs straight up into a hand stand (against the wall) and not fall over. My body fat went from 47% to 24% and I went from a size 22 to 12!
It was the day that I wore my new size 12 clothes and received all kinds of praise - good for you, how'd you do it?, you look great comments that I knew I had finally reached my goal! I was really, really proud of myself, proud of what I had achieved and so happy for me!
That was also the day I fell back into a deep sleep and abandoned my lovely, caring and precious friend, yoga.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
It Starts Here
I turned 60 just 33 days ago and this morning, out of the blue, I asked myself, "Where have I been all my life?" I'd been thinking of all the exciting, new things I'm just now starting to get involved in and kinda wondered why it had taken me so long - then out came the $64,000 question.
I knew the answer instantly, I'd been asleep! No, not in the literal, in bed with the covers up, snoring sleep, but somehow living my life without really being in my life. I even knew when I went to sleep, around 3 years old and why I went to sleep, but for the why, you'll have to wait for the book to come out.
This blog is about going forward. The past may make an appearance now and again, but it's not the focus. Now that I'm awake, I want to stay awake. I'll use this blog to chronicle the journey of living my life awake, of actually being in my life as it's happening.
So the journey begins...
I knew the answer instantly, I'd been asleep! No, not in the literal, in bed with the covers up, snoring sleep, but somehow living my life without really being in my life. I even knew when I went to sleep, around 3 years old and why I went to sleep, but for the why, you'll have to wait for the book to come out.
This blog is about going forward. The past may make an appearance now and again, but it's not the focus. Now that I'm awake, I want to stay awake. I'll use this blog to chronicle the journey of living my life awake, of actually being in my life as it's happening.
So the journey begins...
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